Somebody hurt you in the past or maybe you did something that you can’t forgive yourself, you are holding on the incident, even though it’s already gone.
Every time when you go through the hurtful event on your mind, you are re-living what happened. It affects to your feelings and to your body, as they react as it would be happening right now. This is when we are hurting ourselves. One of Buddha’s quotes describes this perfectly: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else and discovering that you are the one who gets burned.”
The fact is that nothing can change what happened, it happened, but holding on to the past is making you hold on to the person who hurt you, or to torture yourself with self-blame. The more you think about what happened, the stronger the tie will be. We might even become prisoners of the past. The good news is that this is something you can change; you can give yourself a permission to forgive.
When you forgive, you are cutting that invisible tie and setting yourself free. Forgiveness is a process, which means putting the past in the past, learning from it, and moving on. Although forgiveness might take some time and it’s something you need to work on, it will be worth it.
Now you might ask how you possible can forgive when someone hurt you, you’d be letting them off the hook! I found easier to start working on forgiveness, when I understood that forgiveness doesn’t take away another person’s responsibility for hurting me, it doesn’t excuse the act, nor it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. I felt even more motivated to do this, when I realized that forgiveness is actually a gift for me; it is setting me free from the past and it’s ultimately about healing of my own heart and soul.
But what if you feel that you did something that you can’t forgive yourself? What if you feel that you don’t deserve forgiveness? This is one of the hardest and most valuable lessons that I have learned, it is finding the acceptance that I did the best I could at that given moment. We can’t go back and change what happened, all we can do is learn from the past and keep working on understanding, awareness, and loving ourselves in the now!
My dear friend, love yourself enough to set yourself free from the prison of the past! Give yourself a permission to forgive and heal. If you would like support on the releasing the past and finding forgiveness, I’d love to be your personal coach.
With love & light,
PS. I’d like to recommend that you to read a book called “You Can Heal Your Life” from Louise L. Hay. She introduces several exercises that may help you to work on this.